My Top Ten Lessons From Motherhood

For me, Mother's Day is one date a year to remember that the moms in our lives deserve ongoing appreciation all the other 364 days of the year. Here are a few of my observations about being a mom:

#10: Flowers Are Always Welcome

One day a year is simply not enough! Flowers blooming in the garden, purchased from a vendor or sent through the mail are always appreciated. 

#9: Sleep Is Over-Rated

Learning to live on less sleep becomes second-nature. Nap if you can. Go to bed early if it helps. Adult children will call you to talk when it’s convenient for them — late at night or early in the morning. Answer the phone!

#8: Giving Birth Isn’t The Only Way To Become A Mother

Mothers are not always blood-relatives. Throughout our lives, we can be mothered by a variety of people who open their hearts to us. In turn, we often nurture relationships in maternal ways. 

#7: Trust It Will Work Out

Motherhood can be fraught with challenges. It is hard to say no or disagree with our children’s decisions. Those rocky times usually even out and make us all stronger.

#6: Planning Helps, But Embrace Uncertainty

While it’s good to have a vision and plan, life with children often requires change. Learning to adjust and enjoy living in each moment helps keep a family in balance. 

#5: Learn To Let Go

This is a recurring lesson. Every stage of motherhood cuts away certain familiar routines, but also opens up a wide array of new opportunity. 

#4: Selflessness

Motherhood immediately demands we consider the needs of others beyond ourselves. It’s rewarding and perilous at the same time. It’s necessary to balance care-taking and self-care on an ongoing basis.

#3: Hug More, Yell Less

It’s important to vent our frustrations, but don’t hold on to anger. Let it surface, let it go, and hug it out!

#2: Villages Work

Motherhood does not have to be a lonely endeavor. Neighbors, family and friends all offer important back-up systems that make this important job easier. Create a village.

#10: Motherhood Never Ends

The period our kids reside under our own roofs is just a sliver of time we share in their lives. Motherhood is an evolution that adjusts to every stage (often without our consent)! Once a mother, always a mother. The parameters will continue to change throughout our lives if we let them!

Keep Your Wits About You

My mother-in-law died on Saturday. She was 92. Helene’s health has been failing and even though we knew death was in the cards, it seems as if she died quite suddenly. “Keep your wits about you” was the sign-off my husband Barry would say every time he talked to his mom. It was a saying he’d grown up with in his family and to me is shorthand for an abundance of meaningful messages all rolled into one short phrase.

Sunrise. Sunset.

Mom embodied the golden rule. She treated everyone as she would like to be treated. She showed me that it was okay to have more than one mom in my life. And I am grateful. I learned lots of Yiddish terminology from Helene. Some words have an actual English translation. I think she may have made some up on her own. Ungavuffen – all messed up; Shpilkes – ants in your pants; Schmeerzix – lotions, especially sunscreen, are a few that come to mind. 

She adored her family and counted each new member as one of her tribe. She subtly (or not so subtly) bragged on each of us to her friends, aides, and other family members. 

Of course, she influenced some of the pots I create. On my first visit to meet my (now) husband’s parents, I was struck by the lazy susan on the kitchen table. More than 20 years passed before I came up with an idea of how to make one out of clay. I would never have thought of the idea if it hadn’t been for that first encounter I had back in the 1970’s. The Paul McCobb set of little drawers (pictured lower left corner) on my worktable once held Helene's collection of jewelry on her dresser. Now it holds an abundance of my clay tools. 

This vase shape was influenced by a vase Helene had in her house. I mimicked the design, use of different patterns and shape with a clay quilting method I learned in a handbuilding class.

Keep your wits about you. Hold it together. When the world around you seems filled with chaos, pull your circle of friends and family closer. Stay strong. Find some joy in the days you have. Set an example. Treat people the way you’d like to be treated. Keep your wits about you. 

Spontaneous

On Friday, my daughter suggested we “go to London on Monday.” She’d just completed an exhaustive work project and thought this would be a nice treat. My immediate reaction was, "no I can’t, I have too much going on to just pick up and go." But this spontaneous suggestion has got me to thinking. Just as important as learning to say no in life, is the opportunity to say yes. For the practical and routine-loving me, a quick decision or about-face change of plans is a challenge.

I often texture the clay in random patterns. Here are three examples of square images I've used on a small square dish.

Just as I seek freedom in the actions I take in the studio to loosen up and take some risks, it’s a good reminder to take advantage of those same lessons in daily life. It’s still a balance of learning to say no to unproductive activities but also understand the times to just say yes and enjoy the results! 

I've used some of my favorite pattern-makers here to create some interest in these underglazed  berry bowls. When I am working on a series of pieces, I often make snap-decisions on which tools I'll use to emboss the clay. 

I am spending the day with my daughter today, just not in London. I'll take a look at the calendar and see if we can plan a trip there in the near future!